Only Words
by Turdle
Summary: After Bella's marriage she broke her promise; she shed tears for Jacob Black. Her only way to hide this painful burden from Edward is to write her desires down and send them to her only sun. They are only words afterall. Ends JxB with Lemon.
1. More Than Moonlight

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

A/N: Thought of this idea one night tossing and turning but didn't bother putting it down until I had a reminder, and an inspiration. This story will only be a few chapters, and be written all in Bella's POV. She will talk in first person, then write a story to Jacob and send it. It's based in early breaking Dawn ignoring Renesmee and shortly after the marriage. J/B

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_I've already written one story to you. But this one runs deeper with my feelings and actions I still wish could be done. Please read deeply into this, because it parallels my thoughts towards our past._

_You still are my Jacob, and he is still my Edward as much as would like the change it. Edward and Bella's marriage is like my choice to leave with him to Florida; I'm sorry. _

_Dedicated to Crayon._

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Please read and review :)

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**More than Moonlight**

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My pencil hits paper, the graphite leaving faithful lines of letters.

_They're only words after all_

_They're meant to trash and repair_

_To rip and snare_

_They're meant to mend and restore_

_For promises and more_

_Yet what they are to you,_

_Is all your call_

I felt a single tear dance down my pale cheek at nonsense drabble. The moment I promised myself I would not shed another tear for Jacob Black, was a joke. A bittersweet lie I had convinced myself of when I still saw through the heavy shade of rose coloured glasses Edward had been placed on me.

I dwindled the ring on my finger, pencil still in my hand. The stone seemed so much heavier when Jacob loomed on my thoughts. It was heavy like guilt, like regret, like a mistake I tried to convince myself endlessly I had not made.

I had made the right choice, I couldn't live without _him_; Edward. He was like oxygen to me. He made me feel like he was the reason for all that I had become. Without him I was lost, scared and alone no matter who stood beside me. At least I had convinced myself that. All of the emotional whiplash lately hadn't made my thoughts too clear through the last few months.

I had gone through all the motions though, I married Edward. I was planning my leave for Alaska, telling my parents, my transformation. My life was set in stone like the ring on my finger, yet my stomach was still turning with unnecessary apprehension. My nights were still spent dreaming of what I didn't have; Jacob Black.

The future I thought wasn't enough for me.

No I knew it wasn't enough, I needed more. I always selfishly wanted more.

And here yet again, I wanted more than I had; I wanted the relationship I never had.

After the discovering of this longing I had for Jacob I needed to do something with it. If I left this growing fiery desire in me, it would engulf me whole and consume every inch of my body with doubt, and emotions that Edward _couldn't_ be allowed to see. If there was one thing I had to promise, was that I couldn't show the abundant amount of emotion I had for Jacob.

Those feelings that laid dormant for months now only growing upon realization; feelings that didn't seem to fade with time, regardless of the span. I knew if I was turned in this state of mind my love for Edward would be absolutely troubled through the rest of our eternity. Vampire's feelings were permanent and irrevocable, as my feelings would be for Jacob as I watched him die from a distance as my enemy. I couldn't bare that.

That's why I decided to wait.

This only pleased Edward more, but causing him suspicion that could only trouble him day and night. I couldn't lie, but I couldn't admit I wanted to purge myself of the feelings for Jacob.

Especially when that was the last thing I wanted to do.

I truly wanted to embrace them; harness them and bathe in all their perfection. Everything that was Jacob could cover me, smoother me in ecstasy and maybe then I would be finally happy.

But that was the last thing I _could_ do at this point; I was married and _committed_.

I had already made the mistake of being unfaithful once to someone as loyal and promising as Edward. Regardless what he had done in past; left me of not, he didn't deserve what I did.

But everything that had changed me so severely had happened, with or without my consent. I was older, and with the time it had aged me in ways I didn't expect. My heart was in eclipse again, battling against the waves of the stars, gasping for breath, gasping for moonlight.

That moonlight wasn't enough to give me sight anymore; I needed my radiating sun not a reflection off of a cold hard surface.

So here I was doing the only thing I could, sitting in my old room even when I had my very own beautiful large house, writing my sad poetry and stories stating everything I wanted, everything that was Jacob.

I glanced down at the page speaking my previously written words ready to continue this for the first time, to relieve the ache bound to my heart.

"There only words after all

There meant to trash and repair

To rip and snare

There meant to mend and restore

For promises and more

Yet what they are to you,

Is all your call."

The dull whole overwhelmed me again as my pencil found the paper again, tears staining many of the edges.

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Dear Jacob

I love you, this is all I can give you.

If we could go back, back before the wedding, before I thought you weren't enough, before I needed any one to be me before I decided I needed someone to be me. At a place in time where were my choice was different, and I was complete. I was someone I could be proud of, and you could too.

I would be yours.

Or I was about to be.

Sadly there isn't a place in my past like this.

A place we didn't need imprinting, or silly folklore, we only needed each other.

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I felt his cold arms release me, my head lifted from a trance and I felt so alone. But that's not all, I felt so full of life. I felt alone, but living breathing and full of the life that was never meant to be taken.

Even though I was surrounded for so long by things of the supernatural nature, I was so much stronger. I had already faced the untameable, I had nothing else to fear human; despite my own deathly clumsiness.

How did I survive what happened?

Edward had looked at me, so sternly seeing the pain seething through my eyes. I was like an open book to him. The tears were only added theatricals.

"Bella," His melodic voice whispered, "Please, tell me what I did wrong. I'm sorry." He urged his ice hand finding my chin and tracing down causing the eruption of pleasant shivers. His touch was still craved regardless.

I was choking on my own breath. It was staying hitched in my throat as all I could see was your face Jacob, twisted in pain in mind. For the first time I was looking at Edward, only imagining your face. I only wanted to make it better for you. I was barely present for Edward to hurt me, thus I knew the pain would come like a land fall afterwards.

"Bella..." Edward pleaded barely catching my focus.

"I need to live." I murmured out weakly, somehow through my clouded thoughts.

"Then you will, Bella. I never want to take your life." He gushed kissing my forehead with his icy lips over and over in reassurance.

"No, I need to live, was what I meant." I sobbed, cold and hard. Edward let my face hang by itself his hand falling to his sides.

"You mean you changed your mind love." He stated rather than questioned. He spoke the words that rightfully were mine. It angered me in my mania. It was a pointless fury, but none the less it was present.

I gasped finding my words through the salty chokehold, "I may be selfish for this, for wanting it all. But I can't have it all at once. With age I will want more and more what I might have never been able to have. I don't want to sink into the depression that Rose feels, because the human I manage to keep if I turn will want what I have a chance to have right now."

"Very well Bella, do you want me to leave?" He nodded his golden orbs in pools of loss. It was tearing my edges and toying with my head, my choice.

I knew I would do this again, and again. I had to think of you, my Jacob, your pain, what you deserved. I had to fight through my emotions telling me not to hurt this selfless creature. He didn't deserve to leave me, but that, that was what was happening.

"Yes." I bit my voice inaudible. I knew Edward had miraculously heard; I wouldn't be able to say that again.

"I will never trouble you again love."

Those words were his forever. He was famous for breaking me that way as he left me, standing and alone in my own disaster. The disaster I had to face, I had to stay strong and walk through.

I could do it, alone.

But I wouldn't be alone and that is what would make me pursue my future. I had everything I needed, my Jacob.

I could keep my family, my friends the rose colour that came to my cheeks all too often, the two left feet I was given by my father, my soft malleable skin that was warm to the touch. After the storm I would have everything that made me human, everything that I had finally learned to cherish.

I didn't leave my room for a day after that.

I dealt with my own tears and the regret of losing the life that could've been mine. I fought off my destruction by the thought of the life I was given; mortality.

I knew Charlie had clued in to what had happened. I also knew he had informed Billy. It was inevitable when they were like old women with their words.

When I did leave my room, I was rugged and starving feeling too exhausted and malnourished to care what I consumed. Anything that sat around from the night before was easy picking. My prey ended up being day old pizza Charlie had consumed without my guidance in the kitchen.

Hearing my awakening Charlie modestly entered the kitchen, eye brows raised and eyes filled with concern. I knew what he feared most; what I had become before. He feared the shadow that had shaped me and everything from this point on.

"I'm fine." I spoke sternly raising the corner of my lips to Charlie's surprise. I was agitated and sleep deprived so asking much more wasn't wise.

Yea sure, my shoulders felt heavy, my heart was wounded, my very essence was hurting, but in the truth I would surely be fine, I was_ fine_.

"If you say so kid. Jake called, he's worried 'bout you." Charlie explained sympathetically taking the empty plate from me placing it in the sink.

Of course you would be worried about me; the sun always worries about everything it shines its rays on. You already knew after fighting the storm I needed your radiating body to dry my drenched body.

"It's not like last time Dad, I did this." I concluded. I didn't need much more an explanation with the non-hovering Charlie. At the moment I was more than thankful for Charlie's characteristics.

I could only guess the thoughts through my father's head. I knew he was more than pleased about the absence of Edward despite his lack of reasoning to be, other than the fact he was rooting for Jake and I since day one. Though anyone with a sliver of common sense would question why someone would put them self through a storm they created. Why they would sit and wait for the eye of the hurricane knowing the destruction before and after it.

But this was the storm I needed to face to escape the life time of regrets and sorrows that I possibly would face. This was my chance to relieve myself of everything and maybe be happy. This also was the eye of the storm, the calm before facing the dreaded pain.

"Oh." Charlie grunted in his wordless manor and turned to continue his day knowing pressing me anymore would only be troubling.

With two of my temporary obstacles conquered my attention flickered to a shower and ridding myself of the rugged appearance I was fashioning. My hair terribly unkempt, shirt soiled with ruined make up and my face dry and rough from lack of care.

Showering was by far the easiest thing I faced yet, the thoughts of you returning to my head as the hot water caressed my naked body. They reminded me of their similarity to your hot touches and only caused shivers of anticipation to shake me.

I finally was all myself, and not a shadow of anyone or anything. I could be what I needed to be over the last three years. I was going to be with you, Jacob Black.

I was going to love you, Jacob Black.

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With the final scribble of his name I picked up the multiple pages of my writing, re-read and fixing what was necessary. Then folding the unformal paper to fit into an envelope and printed his name once again on the outside.

I head downstairs knowing I needed head back to the place I owned, back to my husband.

I handed Charlie the letter feeling much like a two year old passing notes, but I knew I could never murmur the words that the letter possessed. Reading anything like that out loud would boil every insecurity my tiny frame had over and on to the surface. This was the only way to show how much I wished it were different.

This would prove to him how different I actually wanted it to be.

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Please review!


	2. More Than Firelight

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

A/N: This is hard story to comment on, it's pretty emotional for me so hopefully it's not too confusing the way it's constructed.

Please enjoy and review!

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**More than Firelight**

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My pencil hits paper, the graphite again leaving faithful lines of letters,

_Time didn't heal this_

_Neither did my tormented words_

_Maybe I long for your kiss_

_And your scent rich with musk and herbs_

It had been a week since I'd written to him, my Jacob. I didn't even know for sure if he'd received of read my first letter. That wasn't the point though, all the mattered was I was finally diving into the fantasy that had plagued my mind night after night.

I had felt better day by day after writing the first one, until mid week. It wasn't until Friday I realised I needed to continue or else the pain would reignite and burn my core. This fascination was like a drug, this addiction to my fantasy held me down with teeth and claws. I knew not to fight; it wasn't worth the battle scars in the end to resist my dream like lure to writing what I really wanted, possessing Jacob Black.

It was a strange realization that I had written this for Jacob when I hadn't written anything along the lines of a creative story_ other_ than for school in my life. What was more shockingly strange was the twisting enjoyment I found out of the fantasy land I had created for myself. The vision I had created was completely contradictory with everything I had chosen in reality. It was sad admitting it was only real in two dimensions that were so closely connected, on paper and in my dreams.

So Saturday I broke free of the Cullen's grasp to visit Charlie once again. After sharing a short peaceful dinner before heading back up to my old and almost empty room I felt some sort of relief and comfort in being at _my_ home and not in an oversize bed, over sized room and oversized house. It felt colder than Charlie's and not just because the Cullen's frigid exterior.

I sighed and went back to my only guilty simple pleasure, my Jacob.

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Time didn't heal this

Neither did my tormented words

Maybe I long for your kiss

And your scent rich with musk and herbs

**Dear Jacob.**

As a few days passed, school phasing in and out and I was almost acting like myself. I could breathe in and out without the pain that had once rooted itself deeply in my chest ripping me to shred and crippling my normality. I could laugh, even if only with Angela. I could smile, respond and live like I never thought possible without Edward moving my body in the motions to breath.

I was without him, free and ready to face you, my Jacob.

The day I decided that it was time was sunny, and the rays like hot knives on skin making me yearn for your touches even more. I had waited for the day that I decided I was ready to see you impatiently, but not rushing the process ever slightly.

I knew much better than to tempt with the healing process in a normal human's life. This was something I was capable of; healing from love and moving on, something Edward claimed his kind could never do.

I didn't want to call, I wanted to run into yours arms unexpectedly, so that is the plan I stuck with. After school that day dazed by the clear blue pacific sky I rode my old truck- your gift- all the way to La Push.

I rushed out the door confidently my body feeling buoyant in the reserves fresh air filled with the musk that reminded me of only you. I sauntered across the pine needle covered ground not hesitating to knock for you.

"Bella?" Billy questioned slightly offset at the smile filling my face. He must have been expecting to see a very different Bella, a Bella that no longer existed in my future. What was here was a Bella far from perfect, full of troublesome errors of judgement and morals, but a Bella that could live full of errors with the rest of the mortals that surrounded her.

"Hey Billy, is Jacob home? I'm sorry I didn't call back." I stated wirily feeling full of silly excitement of a school girl.

He started blankly at me for a moment considering my every word, "Yes, he's in his bedroom moping around hoping for you to call." He admitted slightly dumbfounded himself by the sheer joy my body possessed after such a long time of misery.

If you could call me depressed and problematic all these years, then be it. I was sitting, and fighting in dark whole blocking the light and drowning me by the second. But no doctor could have done what I had accomplished. They could've begged and directed me, telling me, and ordering what must be done but words are only words until they're done after all.

This is the very reason I'm glad no doctor shouted his preaching words to me. I had conquered and snatched the light source all by myself. The fire that I could see from a far, I yearned to have so long. I had tasted its warmth and saw the light the reflected from my surroundings and I needed to have it again

"Thanks Billy." I replied as he cleared the doorway to let me in. I feverishly stumbled my way down the hall of the small house pushing open Jacob's door slow and suspenseful.

His long and muscular body was draped across the bed, the light playing with the toned curves of his abdomen. I felt my breath once again hitch in my throat at the utter beauty of you, Jacob Black.

"Jacob." I muttered unconsciously.

Your head flashed towards me in a fluid motion, filled with a shock and excitement I had only dreamed about. You sat up, your muscles wrinkling with power and beckoned me forward. I felt myself almost spring into your arms.

Your body was fire, hotter than I imaged. You had to be the fire I craved; no, you were more than firelight. Your big hands wrapped around me protectively as you heaved in the scent on my hair desperately. You held me like you were still unsure that I was here for good and that had made my choice against all odds.

I could feel your body shake with mine in mirth. My being glowed with a euphoric triumph I could barely take into account.

"Bella..." You breathed incredulously your fingers tangling themselves through my tresses. I had fought against how much I missed you while I suffered. I craved the heat far more than I ever estimated.

"Kiss me Jacob." I whispered in my ecstasy. Your lips frantically met mine, rough, raw but passionate all in one. Even after all the desperation eased in our bliss, our soft tangle of lips dealt out the unrefined emotions we withheld from each other for so long.

In our long tango of torture through the years we had only grown to love each other in a way that couldn't be contained or resisted. I couldn't compare you to firelight anymore; I couldn't lose you, and certainly couldn't forget you.

I knew that I had everything I wanted; even if it was only in our dreams.

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The tears that started to dispense shocked me again, progressively more as I scribbled down my last few sentences. Something inside of me switched at this point in time. I no longer wanted to care about my new vampire family, nor the trouble I had caused him.

My selfish human mind wanted only one thing; Jacob Black.

I wanted what I had written, I wanted it all.

I was selfish and I wasn't going to contain my greed or my desire. I was going to have what every one of Cullens wanted, and also wanted to take away from me. I also had written exactly how I was going to do it.

I didn't need doubt anymore, because I already knew exactly how I would feel. I felt that way when I had written it. Even if I had only experienced the pain for a few short hours, I knew the days of pain and the storm coming _would_ end, and I could be the girl I dreamed I would be.

Bella Swan was not longer a victim, only the abuser and taker who had become everything that could posses the power within herself. I would fight and scratch my way for my prize, Jacob Black.

I could do this finally.

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Go Bella, stop being the idiot.

Next chapter's the steamy finale.

Please read and review!

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	3. More Than Sunlight

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

A/N: This is the last chapter for story. I told you at the beginning it was short. (Especially last chapter) It is assumed Bella's break up with Edward went down the same way it did in her letter to Jacob, thus leaving her at the beginning of this chapter; in pain. There is no letter in this chapter, this is ALL reality.

Please enjoy and hopefully you'll review for me ;)

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**More than Sunlight**

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The pain,

The excruciating pain was as sharp as I remembered it being. Though of course I had once described it as a dull ache even after months of torturing myself. It was nothing like that now when I had been the bringer of pain.

But I forced myself into consciousness, unlike last time.

I was thankful that the summer had dawned itself on me making my transition to reality much easier. School wasn't something I enjoyed when I was in this state of mind.

Like I predicted Angela was the only one who could make me dispense a pleasant reaction none the less Mike still got a reaction out of me. The Cullens had left again too eagerly making the dramatic increase in time alone miserable. It also gave Mike the option to start his endless chase for me again; even with Jessica involved.

Even though I only saw Mike and Jessica around town when doing errands for Charlie or myself it was still enough to ignite the flame.

She was even angrier with me than before finding the line between her friends and mine highlighted brightly. If she wasn't so dense she would have realized the only response I gave Mike was a blunt 'no' accompanied by an irritated grunt. Of course she could only focus on the fact that Mike was giving attention to me when she was his rightful girlfriend.

Everyone knew how flighty their relationship was anyways.

Mike only settled for Jessica and I almost pitied her for it if she only would let down the guard dog act with Lauren.

I almost pleaded Angela for alone time with her one night. I knew her and Ben spent almost all their time together like Edward and I used to. She would be the best at understanding the loss I was feeling. I told her a lot, well as much I could between my choices keeping the idea of any supernatural creatures on the tip of my tongue.

"They're complete opposites Bella, wow. It's like fire and ice." Angela commented raising her eyebrows with her contemplating expression.

"You have _no_ idea." I muttered dryly intending the personal pun.

"I can see why you let it all go, even with the Marriage and all. In reality high school sweet hearts aren't all they're cracked up to be. Ben and I know there's a high possibility of moving on once we go to college and he isn't anything as controlling as Edward seems." She comforted resting her hand on my shoulder. I sighed to myself glumly then turned back to her.

Angela's face was contorted with empathy for my pain.

She knew this was hard, and hard couldn't even begin to cover it.

"There's something inside of me pushing this time to keeping me going. That part of me is the maturity that has formed from all this; it actually cares about my well being and not some fantasy forever first love."

I secretly knew what my body was pushing me for. My body my mortal body needed my sun, my Jacob. That was something I knew that was sent in stone. He had loved me from the beginning, and would love me to the very end.

Of course now there would not be and end so soon, I could continue to be adored unconditionally and illogically. Jake had to be the dream image of guy, his body ripped with taunt muscles, his smile setting me on fire with its perfection, his eye burning to my core on a determined path like molten lava. But he didn't care what he knew he was too well, he only wanted to use it for one reason, and that was to win me back.

He loved me too fiercely to care what anyone around us thought; pack and vampires included.

Our relationship was as exclusive as the sun's energy.

There was only one way the sun could give its power to the earth, sunlight just like there was only one way Jake and I could be together; in love.

"Love comes in many forms; infatuation included." She concluded gracing me with another hug. I nodded in complete agreement.

I knew she meant I wasn't actually completely infatuated with Edward I did in fact love him. But it was true that some of my attachment to him was caused by the infatuation of beauty and grace that surrounded him.

It was irresistible but only because it caused my blinded love filled stares.

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A week after Edward left I received a letter in the mail from some exclusive lawyer authorizing and legalizing our divorce. I felt silly that I had gone through such an extravagant scenario only to fall into the exact path Renee had taken.

I really had been too foolish about it and much too fervent.

I should have waited and taken into account all of my emotions, even the ones I kept fighting to bottle up.

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A month went by and every day on my own was getting easier.

I found myself working far more than I regularly did, even if it was only to fill up my abundance of time. It was mindless but somewhat enjoyable. I had started to realize how normal I really was despite all that had happened to me. At that, I was given the chance to realize how much I enjoyed the normality of life that surrounded me.

Everything had fallen into place and I even was beginning to find myself enjoying a mortal friendships.

By the third week regular hangout were practiced between me and Angela. She even keened my interest in some programs at the community college. I liked the idea of just going by something simple, instead of the extravagant ideas of education Edward had pressed on me.

Angela was attending Washington State College in the fall. She had been accepted to a nursing program which seemed natural with her abilities in science. Though some how she had sensed that I wanted nothing to do with grand education without even asking.

She showed me some accounting programs I could attend or some simple business courses that opted from my future. I could see the actual benefits from learning something more specific even if it was just to get a feel for I wanted with my future.

Just because I had made my mind up about whom I wanted to spend my future with didn't mean it was finalized. I was still young, indecision and maturing as time went by and I wouldn't have it any other way.

One thing though that had struck me within my painful recovery period I had given myself was the difference between my writing to Jake and reality.

In reality Jacob had not made on motion to contact me. I knew in fact that Billy knew about the breakup, the divorce, pretty much anything that was in earshot for Charlie. Like I had said many times before to Jacob, they were indeed like gossiping old women.

At that thought I could almost hear his ringing laughter. It hurt me to only be in my head. After all the time that had passed it was beginning to feel like that the supernatural world had decided it wanted to exclude me from it, including Jacob.

That night at dinner I spoke my concerns to Charlie. I cleared my throat awkwardly getting his full attention. He perked his head up to me, his chocolate eyes mirroring mine.

"So, have you heard about Jacob lately?"

His thick dark eyebrows rose inquisitively.

"No." He stated unusually firm.

I gulped a little too loudly taking another bite of my Caesar salad. Charlie sighed dropping his hands down beside his plate and chewed on the inside of his mouth. He looked troubled.

"I know something up with you two. All of the sudden Jacob stopped asking about you. I don't know what it has to do with Edward or those damn letters you keep having me send him, but he seems furious." Charlie tried to explain in the most authoritative voice he could muster.

I felt the choking ball form in my chest and my breath catch every time I inhaled. The guilt was paralyzing when it came to Jacob. I had dragged him along for my emotional roller coaster all these years and he was coming closer and closer to his breaking point.

We were both too young for all this drama.

We should be careless free and blissful in our childish ignorance.

"I should go talk to him." I managed to choke out staring darkly at my dinner plate. My lurching stomach no longer felt able to contain nutrients.

"Yea, no kidding kid."

I forced myself to smile weakly at Charlie as his eyes remained filled with concern.

"Do you think Jake will be home tonight...?" I asked softly. Charlie was no good with emotions, especially the ones he could see me so clearly struggling with.

"Might as well give it a shot, now's better than never." Charlie encouraged. He was still routing for the two of us ridiculously.

"I've kinda lost my appetite and I guess I should head over there now before never." I said shyly standing up with my half filled plate heading towards the garbage across the room.

"Just be home before midnight Bells and good luck with fixing whatever problem you have between you two." Charlie smiled warmly returning to the steak on his plate.

"Thanks Dad, I love you." I mumbled back.

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My truck chugged along to La Push as I rode weary and anxious. I didn't know how to read Jake when I couldn't see or know what he was doing. If he wasn't calling me maybe he had moved on, maybe he was finally over me.

Maybe he had finally had enough of the silly indecisive Bella Swan.

I dreaded that reaction.

When my truck finally jolted to a stop rocking me in my seat I couldn't be bothered to move. Jake stood in the driveway his figure tall dark and firm. His warm brown eyes didn't wear the gaze I knew, the gaze that belonged to my Jacob. There was something entirely different in his eyes, menacing and furious.

Charlie had been able to read an emotion correctly and it had been one I'd been hoping he hadn't.

I exhaled heavily in a gasp unbuckling my seat belt and reaching for the car door handle never breaking my gaze with Jacob. My eyes were wide and stirring with disturbing worries. Any of my possible conclusions to Jacob's reaction could be right, and I could be the fool now standing and hoping for a chance.

I was strong enough to change.

But I wasn't strong enough to force Jacob to come back to me. I loved him too much to want to deter what he really wanted, what made him really happy.

I tumbling out of the truck awkward from the height of cab finding my shaken footing on the pine-needle covered gravel.

Jacob said nothing as I stumbled forward but clenched his fist ever slightly at my approach. I held my breath hoping for stare to shift from mine. It didn't, making me feel dizzy from the lack of oxygen. I could feel my heart pounding away ridiculously fast within my chest cavity. I knew Jacob would be able to hear it too from this proximity.

"Where's Billy?" I broke the silence uncomfortably shifting my gaze to the ground studying the stones by my feet.

"Sue's." He stated too coldly. I winced at the response then became muted by my panic. I couldn't understand him, which was so unlike me. I didn't know why he was so angry.

It was silly, and I had no right to ask; I should've already known.

"What gives?" He snarled finally.

I jumped startled by his voice, "What-?"

"What the_ hell_ gives? What right do you have doing that?" He sneered as I looked trying once again- and failing- to read what his eyes were explaining to me.

"Jake- I- I'm so sorry." I choked softly.

"Yea right you are. You're more selfish than I thought Bella." His voice was laced with unfitting venom directed towards me.

"I- " I couldn't speak hearing the anger in his voice. I was helpless caught in his angry glare like a dear in headlights. I could feel my salty tears falling over the brims of the eyes.

"What right do you have sending me those letters, telling me you want me, telling you chose wrong, telling me you_ love_ me over and over. How dumb could you be? Did you not think that would _upset_ me?" He exclaimed in exasperation. His dark thick brows dug into his face in a twisted frustration. I so badly wanted to sooth the lines wrinkling his forehead.

"No." I whimpered back shamefully.

"Did you honestly think I didn't hope for the same damn thing you wrote to me_ every_ day you were with him, every day even_ after_ you married him? How could you think proving you wanted the same but 'couldn't do it' would make me feel better?" He gasped his eyes becoming pools of pain that I could finally understand more and more.

How could I be so stupid?

I once again only caused my Jacob more pain.

"I – I – don't know. I'm so sorry Jacob." I blubbered through the tears seizing my breathing into involuntary sobs.

He didn't say anything for a moment and looked down. I continued to sob, the guilt and shame building more and more by the second.

Jacob finally spoke calm and sure but filled with a maturity not found in many his age, "I know you are that's why you're here eh?"

I nodded frantically to his statement.

"I'm sorry I did it again, I broke my promise." The one corner of his lip twisted into a wicked smirk too mocking to be enjoyed.

"Huh?" I muttered incoherently.

"I'm hurting you, I promised not to. Plus it's not your fault you love me so insensibly." He smirked more rigidly this time. I stared blankly trying to read into his expression still failing. It was no use when _my_ Jacob was nowhere to be found.

Never less, my personal sun was still so bright in my radius.

"So is it really true it's over with you and the bloodsucker?" Jacob finally questioned softly as I heard him take a step forward. His posture looked more casual, without the anger from before.

"Yea." I sighed reluctantly.

I didn't want to think of Edward at the moment. Of course losing him still hurt I didn't need to be reminded. All the pain was worth it in the end.

"You went through the crazy wedding for nothing? And I _know_ you're not one for parties." Jacob inquired.

"Yea." I repeated foolishly.

"You still did look beautiful that night Bells." Jacob sighed placing his arms around me. I fell into his embrace effortlessly.

"So did you." I muttered into his chest drying my tears on the fabric between us.

He laughed weakly, "Lemme guess, in a sort of beautiful way?" I laughed in response only holding Jacob tighter. I couldn't let go of Jacob, unless I knew how much of him I actually had.

He was my personal sun; he was so bright radiating and everything that was mine.

"I love you Jacob. In all the ways you always wanted me to." I breathed looking back up into his warm dark eyes.

"I love you too, but it took you long enough to come around." He grinned foolishly at me looking almost giddy. I slapped the side of his arm like I was discouraging a dog; which technically I was.

"Just shut up and kiss me." I hissed playfully. Before I could register his reaction his lips were on my eagerly, as mine opened and invited him in. The passion riveted through us and 'sunlight' wasn't even able to describe the feeling.

Jacob was more than my sunlight.

Jacob was the energy that kept me living.

I needed him now and forever in this mortal life.

I also knew he needed me just as much.

His hands slid down my body and grasp the smalls of my back pulling me closer to his body. The heat was intoxicating and his musky scent was overwhelming. My senses were being set on fire and my nerves pulled tightly. My body pressed into his craving more.

I was unable to control myself within Jacob's gasp and I was no longer forced to.

I felt my small palm creep up Jacob's chest desperate to graze his rock hard abs concealed by the silly fabric. I felt the vibration from his growl through his chest, "Bella."

It drove me crazy.

My insides twisted into impatient knots willing themselves to my attention.

I responded to him with a muffled moan into our tangled lips. His massive hands grabbed both my thighs and pulled them aggressively up to his waist. Heat ricocheted through my body as our cores met each other. My body craved everything that was Jacob to consume me.

My mind on the other hand was begging for it.

My hands tangled in his hair tugging and gripping mercifully as Jacob guided us through his house his lips never leaving mine. He threw our bodies on the bed never once putting too much weight on me. He carefully climbed over me trailing teasing butterfly kisses down my neck.

I shivered in anticipated delight directing both my hands to pull up his shirt. Jacob obliged and grasped the hem of the shirt tossing it easily off his muscular frame. His chest was once again revealed to me in all its glory. This time I was allowed to stare and gush over how lucky I was to be mounted by his god like stature. I stared shamelessly running one of my tiny pale hands down his chest in marvel.

He smirked senselessly, "All yours."

"Better be." Blush rose to my cheeks for the first time with a coy smile.

He laughed before swathing me in his lips again his hands roaming playfully around the corners of my shirt. He seemed almost hesitant on what he really had claim on. I was meant to be no one else's other than his from this point on.

"Take it off Jacob." I ordered freely breaking our kiss. Jacob stared at me shocked for a moment, and then quickly obeyed removing my dainty navy tank top. I was left in my bra as a display for Jacob's desire. He drank me in through his eyes too eagerly.

I grasped the sides of his face pulling him to my lips again craving the feeling of his hot skin on mine. Moving against him felt like silk on silk milking my core of desire. I raised my hips to his displaying my pleasure by his actions. He grunted thrusting his hips towards mine. Whimpering moans were beginning to escape from my lips into our kiss.

I was barely able to control myself or animal I was releasing on top of me. I let go of Jacob body bolting my hands down to my pants unbuckling, unbuttoning, and unzipping them as fast as possible yanking my jeans down underneath us. Jacob's body wriggled accordingly allowing me to easily kick the useless fabric off.

Jacob growled heavily in a deep breath. I assumed he could smell my arousal and it drove him crazy as my hands found his sweats. With a small tug down I removed both his pants and boxers all at once making me one step closer to having Jacob fill me, claim me.

His hardness pressed against my stomach its warm tip tickling me slightly. I reached down grasping his thick length. I gasped at the size moving my hands up and down his length. Jacob's eyes rolled back in ecstasy moaning darkly.

"You have no idea how badly I've wanted this Bella." He grunted at my mercy burrowing his face into my neck. His hot breath gave me shivered as he began to lightly suck then blow.

"You may have the slightly idea of how bad I've wanted it." I growled playfully. He gaze briefly at me flashing me grin.

"I'm guessing your next fantasy letter would've been exactly this." He smirked nipping the lobe of my ear. I shuddered in bliss feeling helpless to his pleasure.

"Not exactly, you would've been in me already." I said feeling his cock flex in my grasp.

"I can change that."

"Do it," I hissed, "Please Jacob."

I felt the thin cotton on my lower half tear off and pressure against my core where I so badly craved. Jacob's finger tips found my clit terrorizing it sinisterly. I whimpered feebly in pleasure as he continued to grind against my wetness soaking his length.

"I love you Bella." Jacob breathed pushing into my core filling and stretching me more than I had ever been before. I winced at his size trying to adjust to everything that was larger than normal about Jacob. I'm sure his ego soared at that moment seeing my slight discomfort.

"I'm sorry Bells." He whispered stroking my hair softly.

"I love you too." I murmured softly pressing my hips up to him to continue despite the burning stretch through my groins. The heat of his body was overwhelming and pleasured me from inside out, scoring my skin like the lightest of sunburns.

It felt strangely good to have the slow seeping radiation on skin and I continued to dive into the bliss of Jacob.

"You're so tight." Jacob grunted curtly his teeth clenching together in relief. I only moaned to reply grasping his lips against mine. He dove and thrust into me abruptly. The sudden pressure sent me into a gasping pant.

He pressed in and out soon making a rhythm encouraged by my demands to move faster and harder. He couldn't do anything but obey and send me and closer and closer to my edge. Between the gasping of our names and the never ending panting I fell victim to the unrelenting orgasms Jake brought me to. He rode me until his body seized and was overcame by mine, letting his hot fluid rush into me. I withered underneath him trailing my nails down his back and pulling him down to collapse on top of me. He shifted his weight to avoid crushing me and we remained silent listening to each other's pants.

I was absolutely smitten.

He was blissful radiating me; he was more than sunlight could ever be.

And to think, only words had been the cause of this would be just too foolish.

* * *

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